We tend to think of bullying as something that happens in the playground, but more and more people today are speaking up about bullies in the workplace.
Research from the World Bullying Institute reveals that bullies affect 49% of the American workforce โ thatโs 79.3 million workers โ with an estimated 48.6 million being direct victims. The remaining 30.7 million workers are those exposed to what researchers call โambientโ bullying, or work environments rife with bullying.
Just as school bullies embraced new technology with cyberbullying, so have workplace bullies. In fact, remote workers today have a higher chance of being targeted by bullies at work, at 43.2%.
Though anyone can be a bully, workplace bullying is most commonly done by bosses, with 65% of reported bullies being in managerial positions. This makes it an even bigger occupational stressor, as bosses not only have more power than their employees, but they also play a huge role in peopleโs growth in any organization.
A Professional and Personal Issue
Being a victim or witness to workplace bullying can make life hard, with targets having a 67% chance of losing jobs that they love because of their bullies. But aside from your job performance, workplace bullying also has a profound effect on your health and well-being.
For instance, studies have found that being bullied at work makes you more likely to suffer from sleep disturbances โ a problem that continues even after the bullying stops. Aside from insomnia, past and present exposure to workplace bullying can also raise your risks of experiencing anxiety, depression, and even type 2 diabetes. Plus, the stress of being targeted by a workplace bully can cause absenteeism and push you towards unhealthy coping strategies.
Moreover, the effects of bullying go beyond victims: Simply being a witness to bullying being done at work can cause the same health effects mentioned above, often pushing people to quit jobs they would otherwise enjoy.
Warning Signs to Look Out For
Workplace bullying is defined as the repeated mistreatment of one or more targets by one or more perpetrators in a workplace, often through threats, humiliation, or work interference. But sometimes, it can be hard to figure out if your mental and physical health issues come from being bullied at work โ and, indeed, if youโre being bullied at all.
Thatโs because a common page in a workplace bully’s playbook is gaslighting, making victims believe that theyโre overreacting. A gaslighterโs goal is to make you feel like youโre the one with the problem and, eventually, make you dependent on them.
Plus, many bullying bosses also like to pose as โtough bosses,โ or those that push employees to be at their best. But there’s a big difference between toughness and downright bullying, and these red flags might help you.
They Undermine You and Your Work
Tough bosses know that itโs important to hold employees accountable and to encourage high-quality work on strict deadlines. They often encourage discipline and provide constructive criticism where needed.
Here, โconstructiveโ is the keyword, as the difference between a tough boss and a bully is the motivation: Is your boss trying to inspire you or to intimidate you?
Where tough bosses hold their entire staff to high standards, bullies would single out one or two people whom they can undermine. Their criticism tends to be destructive in nature, designed to attack a victim on a personal level.
They will also deliberately provide you with misleading information, confusing instructions, or unrealistic deadlines โ making you more likely to make mistakes, which they can then magnify. Because bullying bosses demand so much, no one can ever do enough to please them. This, in turn, gives them an excuse to micromanage you and your projects.
The end effect is that it becomes difficult or impossible for victims to advance in their careers. Bullies might keep you from a promotion or even additional training that can help you grow professionally.
A subtler way they do this, which might happen early on in their bullying, is to promise you a raise or promotion to make you pour in more work and effort. But in the end, they never deliver on those promises and then blame your โfailureโ for it.
They Question Your Ability and Your Commitment
Where tough bosses focus solely on outputs, a bully tends to get personal: They would question an employeeโs opinions, belittle their contributions, and question their commitment to the job โ especially if you refuse to work long hours to be at their beck and call. A bully might do this to you in private or in front of others.ย
They Donโt Respect Your Privacy
Because they donโt respect you, bullies also disrespect your privacy. They might spy on you in order to find ammunition, real or exaggerated, to use against you. Some might even spy on your private conversations or snoop through your workspace and belongings.
Early on, more subtle bosses might also pretend to be your friend and demand you make them privy to your personal life. This way, they can learn more about you and what makes you tick.
They Gossip About You
They also talk about you behind your back in order to make you look bad to your teammates.
They might put the blame on you for issues at the workplace, as mentioned above, or use the things they learned about you while snooping on your things to spread real or fake gossip. The goal here is to make the bullying seem justified or even necessary.
They Isolate You
Once theyโve convinced your teammates of your personal and professional โfailures,โ they can then go on to further isolate you socially.
Bullies tend to surround themselves with passive followers, to begin with, so this can make it easier for them to exclude you from company outings, social gatherings, or work lunches. They might even make important decisions with the team while youโre on leave or out of the office.
This affects more than just the target of the bullying, as it encourages a victimโs coworkers to focus on pleasing their bullying boss, lest they fall into the same type of treatment. Thus, peopleโs efforts no longer focus on the work itself but on staying in their bossโs good graces โย something that a bullying boss might encourage by pitting employees against each other. This further isolates you and erodes trust.
My Boss Is a Bully. What Now?
As tricky as it is to recognize abusive behavior, especially if youโre on the receiving end of it, the question of what to do next has no easy answers.
Experts say it really depends on a lot of factors, like your economic status, level of support from family and friends, and whether your company would even do anything if you report a bullying boss. Some victims might also find it easier than others to disconnect from work drama when they clock out, or some bullies might have hope of changing for the better.
Whatever your circumstances, a good first step is to recognize that no amount of hard work or talent will fix the issue. No matter what your bully might make you believe, bullying is never the victim’s fault: Itโs something that your bully is doing and that your workplace environment is enabling.ย
From there, experts explain that there are several paths you can take. One option is to go along with it. If youโre planning on leaving your workplace soon, this might be a good approach to not worsen your current situation. Itโs not a good long-term strategy, though. That’s because it might just encourage your boss to continue bullying โ whether it’s you or others.
The next is to ignore to extinguish. This advice is what we often get as children, but sometimes it might be an effective strategy as an adult to ignore bad behavior and reinforce good behavior from your bullying boss.
By not giving them the reaction they want from you and finding workarounds to avoid bad situations, you might actually be able to snuff out their behavior. For example, you can make a list of โsafe spotsโ to go to, like near another supervisor or customers, or find ways to excuse yourself from a bullying situation.
Lastly, you can also stand up for yourself. You have the option of naming these behaviors and, if possible, involving your bossโs superior. This is by far the most daunting of your options, but if successful, you can even cause your boss to change or limit their power in the organization.
This option might not be possible for everybody, as the World Bullying Institute survey found that employers do tend to encourage, deny, or rationalize bullying. Itโs also important that you come well-prepared with evidence.
A good approach is to explain to your bullyโs superior how their behavior affects the bottom line โ you can cite high employee turnover or absenteeism, for example. Whatever you do, remember that most HR teams are there not for you but to protect the employer from legal claims.
The good news is that accountability is slowly but surely getting better: More workplace bullies are getting terminated, quitting, or otherwise punished for their bad behavior. This can be a good source of strength and hope that things can work out in the end.
Plus, a 2015 study found that employees who stand up to bullying feel better about themselves, earn the respect of their coworkers, and end up becoming more committed to their jobs and careers.
Whichever path you choose, itโs important to take a few tips to heart:
- Document everything. Bullies will do their best to discredit you, so it makes sense to document every instance of the bullying. They will emotionally abuse you in ways that might be harder for you to prove later on. For example, research on bullying in remote work setups found that it often happens in virtual meetings, not by email.ย
- Have a strong support network. More and more people are realizing that workplace cultures can enable abuse, so try and find trusted friends in and out of the workplace to stand with you. These people can help with documenting the abuse and with providing moral support, which can keep you from falling into the trap of thinking that the bullying is your fault.
- Have a plan. Itโs not easy to let go of a job โ especially with the employment market the way it is. But nobody deserves to be miserable eight hours a day, five days a week (or sometimes more), and no job is worth your mental health. So whether you choose to leave or stay and fight, treat your plan of action like a work project. Have an end goal in mind, outline your strategies, and think of backup plans, just in case.
The Bottom Line
If youโve been the target of a workplace bully, you might feel like youโre not worth the effort of finding another job or standing up for yourself โ but thatโs the bully getting into your head. Nobody is a perfect employee, and making mistakes doesnโt mean you donโt deserve a healthy, bully-free workplace.
In the U.S., only Puerto Rico has passed its own workplace bullying law, though over 30 states have introduced some version of the bill. To help you work through your workplace bullying situation, you can join communities like Safe Harbor or browse through available resources from the Workplace Bullying Institute.
Excellent article. I loved it because it wasn’t sugar coated. You kept it real
feel this way too. I always end up a target everywhere I go. I don’t gossip, I go in mind my business and leave. The latest job is my first in the industry. I’m a makeup artist at a counter in the mall. I’m from Ukraine and when the war started, it really affected as the only family I have left is there. Because of it i began to have some health issues on top of the emotional agony I was in. Well because I didn’t “get it together” fast enough, the counter manager has made me a target and has been viciously bullying me ever since. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t sleep, I don’t want to go to go to work, and I loved this job, it was fun and I was doing makeup which I love! But not like this. She has spread rumors about me, her and her little crew gave me mean nicknames that they use to refer to me behind my back and sometimes even to my face. She constantly sets me up to fail by making me ring up clients that are serial returners. Freelancers that come to help us don’t ring up the products bc they don’t work for bloomingdales technically, so we’re supposed to alternate in ringing their sales. The other day there were two of them. One rang exclusively for her and the other one rang for me every other sale (alternating)…so her numbers look crazy bc she’s ringing for three people, and mine look like I’m useless and am making three times less than her. If ever I ring up one of our coworkers, she has them return the items and then re rings them for herself. I don’t know what to do. She turned half the department against me. I haven’t done anything to her or any of them!. I worked every single holiday this year, never complained. I work hard, when everyone is sitting down on their phones I’m cleaning and am always on my feet. Started to develop varicose veins bc I never sit down and nothing is ever good enough. Every one of her mistakes she blames me for. Idk what to do bc I can’t fight her using her tactics because I’m not that kind of person. I’m having a really hard time convincing myself to even talk to her boss, I hate getting people in trouble, but she fights dirty and I don’t know how to do that, I’m not wired that way so I’ll never beat her at her own game even if I tried. Anyone have any advice?