What Do WLW and MLM Mean? Plus Other Words to Add to Your Vocabulary

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Language is always changing. And no matter how much grammar sticklers might huff and puff about it, it isn’t a bad thing. In fact, words are added, modified, given new meaning, and borrowed from other languages all the time depending on how different generations experience the world — which, by the way, is always changing, too.

So if you’ve spent any amount of time online over the past few years, you might’ve noticed an influx of new terms related to gender and sexual orientation. The push to make the English language more gender-equitable has been around since the ‘60s and ‘70s, but more recently, efforts towards more inclusive language have grown in online spaces.

This, unequivocally, is a good thing. Words and names, especially with regard to identity, hold a special power to not only shape our interactions with people, but also the ways we see the world around us.

As more and more people become increasingly accepting of the queer community, the language we’re using to describe people, situations, and experiences is changing, too, consciously or not. Terms like LGBT, for example, are more commonplace now, as are the individual words that comprise those initials.

But if you’re feeling a little lost on the meanings of other terms you might see online, then that’s okay. Not everyone is born with a complete understanding of the world’s acronyms and expressions. If you need a little brushing up, then this list is for you.

On WLW, MLM, and Gender-Loving-Gender 

Let’s start with those acronyms.

• WLW: This term refers to “women loving women,” which includes lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, and same-gender loving women. Though WLW is not as well-known as all those other terms to describe different kinds of queer women, the acronym has been used within African American Vernacular English (AAVE) as far back as the 1920s to describe famous Black women of the early 20th century, like Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith. In this context, the words were hyphenated, which changes the meaning slightly: “women-loving women.”
• MLM: Nope, this doesn’t mean “Multi Level Marketer.” In the context of the queer community, MLM is short for “men loving men,” including those who identify as gay, bisexual, or pansexual men.  

This gender-loving-gender (GLG) format has been expanded to include other abbreviations to describe different forms of attraction and relationships. The first letter refers to one’s own gender, while the third is the gender/s one might be attracted to. When we consider non-binary and intersex people, one can use terms like NBLW, which means “non-binary person loving women”.

On Gender and Gender Expression

Gender

Though forms and ID cards often treat it as either M or F, gender is more accurately a set of social constructs that define “appropriate” roles and behaviors. And because most cultures see gender as a binary, this means that gender is often expressed in terms of male and female, boys and girls.

When thinking more critically about the ways we are socialized into a certain gender, some terms can be pretty helpful. 

• AFAB: This acronym is short for “Assigned Female at Birth.” People who are AFAB may or may not currently identify as female. Together with AMAB, this term isn’t considered an identity. Instead, it’s a way to describe experiences of trans, intersex, or non-binary people. This also helps us avoid essentializing manhood or womanhood as purely about the body we were born with, the way terms like “biological man” might.
• AMAB: This means “Assigned Male at Birth.” 
• Assigned Sex: Terms like AMAB and AFAB help highlight how no one — cis or otherwise — gets to choose the sex they are assigned as infants. Assigned Sex is how we might describe the process of how sex (and gender) is assigned to us based on visible organs at birth.
• Cisgender: Sometimes shortened to “cis,” (which is Latin for “on the same side as”), this term refers to those whose gender identity matches their assigned sex. People who are not trans or non-binary can describe themselves as “cis,” instead of “normal.”
• Non-binary: Sometimes used interchangeably with genderqueer, genderfluid, or gender non-conforming, this term refers to those who do not subscribe to the gender binary, existing either between or beyond the man-woman way of looking at gender.
• Gender dysphoria: This is the distress one might feel when their assigned sex at birth and their gender identity do not match up.
• Gender euphoria: Meanwhile, this term refers to that euphoric feeling one might feel when they are able to fully express their gender identity, and when it is recognized and respected by others. 

Gender Expression

Gender expression is a term that describes how one communicates their gender consciously or subconsciously through appearance, clothing, and mannerisms, among others. Though everyone expresses their gender in their own way, gender expression doesn’t automatically relate to specific gender identities.

• Androgynous: Androgynes have physical elements of both femininity and masculinity. 
• Butch: This term refers to those who prefer more masculine types of appearance, attitude, or clothing, often in the context of lesbians.
• Stud: Similar to Butch, this term refers to Black lesbians who prefer masculine gender expressions.
• Femme: Often understood as the opposite end of the spectrum from butch/stud, femme is a term used to those who prefer a more feminine way of presenting.
• Passing: To pass, for members of the LGBTQ+ community, is to conform to cultural gender roles and present themselves as close to cisgender. For example, a femme lesbian might be able to pass as a straight woman, and sometimes, passing is a way to ensure survival in cultures that aren’t very tolerant of queer people. It’s important to note, however, that passing is not a requirement for our respect and love.

On Transitioning

For those whose assigned sex does not match their gender identity, the process of affirming their gender identity is known as a transition. It can refer to social (e.g. changing pronouns), legal (e.g. getting new IDs), and/or medical processes (e.g. hormone therapy, and GAS, or gender-affirming surgery) to have one’s gender identity affirmed. 

However, not everyone chooses to transition, especially as not everyone can afford to — financially and socially. Therefore, it’s important to note that transitioning is not a requirement for one’s gender identity to be valid. Self-identification is enough.

Recognizing Specific Histories

Over time, the LGBTQ+ community has also adopted several terms to recognize specific histories and intersectional identities.

This allows us to not only discuss these histories and identities but also recognize the different lived realities of queer people. For example, though a cis white gay man in New York and a black trans woman from Brazil are both members of the LGBTQ+ community, their needs and experiences can vary significantly. Different terms can help us think and talk about those variances better.

• BIPOC: “Short for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color,” this term acknowledges the specific contexts of Black, Latinx, Asian, and Native Americans within the US.
• QTPOC: Though less common, this term is short for “Queer and Trans People of Color,” and helps the community emphasize the intersections of sexual orientation, gender, and race.
• Misogynoir: Coined by queer Black feminist Moya Bailey, this term, too, describes a specific brand of oppression experienced at an intersection of race and gender: that of being a woman and being Black. 
• Transmisogyny: This refers to misogyny specifically geared towards trans women and non-binary folk who present as women.
• Two-Spirit: This is an umbrella term used within some Indigenous groups to refer to someone who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit or essence. Meant to be unifying and positive, the word encompasses a wide variety of gender variance in ways that the Western LGBT framework doesn’t always have terms for. The term is widely credited to Elder Myra Laramee, who suggested it in the Third Annual Inter-tribal Native American, First Nations, Gay and Lesbian American Conference, held in Winnipeg in 1990.
• Chosen Family: Sometimes called “found family,” this term refers to those who stand in as a family to someone who belongs to the LGBTQ+ community, often when their biological family is not supportive of them.

Understanding Oppression

Do you remember being a kid and just knowing something was wrong about the way people were doing things — the overly strict girls’ dress code at schools, for example, or your brother being told he can’t play with barbies — but not know how to talk about it until you stumbled upon the word “sexism”?

Having a name for the ways in which we experience oppression can be very useful for identifying harmful patterns and behaviors, as well as having conversations with others who experience it too. These terms are just some examples: 

• Bioessentialism: A shortened version of “biological essentialism,” this is the harmful idea that people are born with specific, unchanging traits by virtue of the sex we’re assigned at birth. Bioessentialism reduces people to specific body parts. In so doing, it supports rigid gender binaries and pushes disgusting ideas like men are naturally aggressive and women are more emotional and can’t lead. It’s also incredibly harmful towards trans people. 
• Cisnormativity: The idea that everyone is cisgender, and that cisgender is the norm (while others are “abnormal”). 
• Cissexism: Prejudice and discrimination against transgender and non-binary people.
• Deadnaming: This is when someone refers to a transgender person using the name they had at a different time in their life. Whether intentional or not, deadnaming can cause embarrassment, stress, or even danger to a transgender person.
• Gender Socialization: Because gender is a set of cultural ideas of accepted behavior for the man-woman binary, this term refers to the process that this binary is taught to us from birth by key people like our parents, teachers, media, and faith traditions. 
• Heteronormativity: This refers to the assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and that being heterosexual is better than having any other sexuality. It places heterosexuality as the standard, with everything else as “abnormal,” and serves as the driving force to phenomenon like comphet.
• Hyperfemininity: An exaggeration of what’s understood as female behavior based on culturally defined gender roles. Unfortunately, many people expect hyperfemininity from trans women in order to consider them “real women.”
• Hypermasculinity: Similar to hyperfemininity, hypermasculinity is wrongfully expected of trans men. Cis-hetero men may also tend to display hypermasculinity in an effort to “prove” to others that they are not gay — even though gay people have a wide range of gender expressions.
• Queerbaiting: This is when media creators imply that characters are LGBTQ+ without explicitly confirming it — and therefore providing LGTBTQ+ audiences with some much-needed representation — because they don’t want to lose non-LGBTQ+ audiences and advertising money.
• TERF: This term stands for “Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist,” and is widely credited to trans inclusive radical feminist blogger Viv Smythe. It describes people who wrongfully exclude trans women from feminist spaces and work to deny the identity of transgender people.

And Because We Didn’t All Major in Gender Studies…

Last but definitely not least, here are some ideas that have been shaping our understanding of and conversations around gender and queerness.

• Gender Performance Theory: Coined by Judith Butler, gender performance theory doesn’t mean that gender is a kind of show you have to act out. Instead, it means that people are not born with genders based on their assigned sex. We create gender by expressing it, and as a culture, we collectively create gender by conforming to and breaking norms about gender roles, clothes, and attitudes.
• Kinsey Scale: Developed by Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s, this scale places one’s sexual orientation on a spectrum: 0 for exclusively heterosexual, and 6 for exclusively homosexual. There is also the measurement “X” for an absence of sexual behavior (for asexuals). The scale is widely recognized as an early recognition of sexual orientation as fluid, challenging the idea of a homo-hetero binary.
• Intersectionality: This term refers to overlapping social categories and identities we belong to. Coined by Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw, it’s an invitation to think about how things like gender, race, disability, geography, and class all interact with each other and shape our individual experiences in the world.

These, of course, are just the beginning. As the world continues to evolve — hopefully for the better! — with and through language, don’t be surprised to find ways to describe our growing understanding of what humans are, and all we could be.