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Believe it or not, there was a time when humans didn’t know how to make fire and couldn’t cook their food. Then, there was the time before we knew how to harness the power of electricity and we had to light our homes with candles. And, of course, before the telephone was invented, we had to deliver written messages to each other by mail.
Similarly, there was a period in human history when we thought it impossible to drink a beer and take a shower concurrently. People would either wait until they’d finished showering to crack open a cold one, or they’d make sure to take down the last drops of their brew before washing themselves. These were dark, savage times.
Luckily, there’s never been a better time to be alive. Thanks to recent scientific discoveries, we now know that you can, in fact, drink a beer and take a shower at the same time. The phenomenon is called “shower beers” and it’s growing in popularity every day. There are many different techniques for proper shower beer consumption, and new schools of thought are emerging around the subject every day.
If you’re unschooled in the way of the shower beer, today is your lucky day. In this article, I’m going to go through some tips for getting the maximum enjoyment out of your shower beer experience, and discuss why shower beers are such a life-changing experience for people all over the world.
Hot Water, Cold Beer
One of the things that make shower beers so great is the contrasting temperatures of the shower water and the beer. While alternating ice and heat is proven to have wonderful effects on your body, drinking cold beer while warm water trickles down your back has a similar therapeutic effect on the soul.
If you’re heading out for a day of work and anticipating having a shower beer later that evening, make absolutely sure that there’s a beer in your fridge before you leave the house. If there isn’t, be sure to set yourself a reminder to pick up a case at your local convenience store on the way home.
Unfortunately, one of the risks involved with drinking beer in the shower is that your beer is in danger of warming up in the steamy environment. No one likes warm beer (with the exception of those crazy fools who heat up their beer in central Europe). So it’s very important to take the necessary precautions to ensure that your beer stays icy cold. A lukewarm beer will significantly decrease the effectiveness of your shower beer’s effect on the soul.
Get Yourself a Koozie
A koozie is absolutely essential for taking your shower beer game to the next level. If you don’t already own a koozie, head on down to your favorite brewery and pick one up. As a matter of fact, get two koozies and keep one in your bathroom and another one in whatever other living space you like to enjoy your beers in.
A koozie is going to ensure that your beer stays nice and cold through your entire shower, and will make it so you don’t have to rush to drink your beer before it gets warm. Drinking shower beers should never be about speed, it should be about savoring every sip of that malty goodness and achieving maximum relaxation.
Watch That Soap
Rising temperature is not the only thing to avoid in your quest to achieve the optimum shower beer, however. You also have to be careful with where you’re flinging your soap suds. The last thing you want is for some soap to get into your beer can and ruin the flavor. The hardworking people at Anheuser-Busch didn’t pour their heart and soul into crafting the perfect Budweiser just so it could be tarnished by errant soap suds.
Place your beer somewhere in or around your shower where you know it won’t get soapy. If you’ve just lathered up your head or your hands, make sure to rinse off before going for another sip. Again, a shower beer should never be rushed, and you need to make sure that you’re not putting your beer in harm’s way by going for soapy sips.
With all that being said, if you do find that your brew has been infected with soap, you’re still obligated to finish that beer. I’m not sure what the health effects of drinking soap are, but wasting beer is a cardinal sin, and pouring a soapy beer down the sink or the toilet may lead to you being ostracized from the shower beer community.
Cans Only
Shower beers should be enjoyed out of cans. While it’s definitely admirable that someone would be so committed to the shower beer lifestyle that they would bring a glass bottle into the shower with them, this practice is highly unsafe for obvious reasons. Slippery surfaces, glass, and alcohol definitely don’t mix well. Get yourself a case of Bud Light cans (or whatever your beer of choice is) and leave the glass for less slippery scenarios.
Avoiding glass bottles is especially important if you plan on doubling or even tripling up on your shower beers. I’m not judging anyone who wants to have three beers during a single shower, but just make sure that you’re doing so in a safe and responsible manner.
Finish Up
Shower beers should be finished in the shower. It doesn’t matter that you’ve rinsed and repeated ten times over. If there’s still beer in the can, keep that water running and sip that can until it’s bone-dry. Trust me, your shower beer will become noticeably less enjoyable the moment you take it out of its natural environment.
This is also a matter of practicality. You don’t want to be walking out of the shower with your clothes in one hand, a beer in the other, and no free hands to make sure your towel stays up. If you aren’t careful, you might just end up flashing your housemates, which isn’t a desirable scenario in most cases. Finish your beer in the shower.
It Doesn’t Have To Be Beer
Your shower beer doesn’t necessarily have to be beer. Some people have yeast allergies, and we would never want to exclude them. Your shower beer can be any frosty beverage you want it to be.
Get a White Claw or whatever kind of seltzer you may have lying around. Plenty of companies these days are selling wine and already-mixed cocktails in cans. If you don’t drink, have a root beer. It still has beer in the name, so I’d say it’s still a shower beer.
The experience of a shower beer isn’t really about what you’re sipping on, but more about the state of mind you’re trying to achieve. This is meant to be your peak relaxation time. You’ve just finished a hard day of work, you’ve got some dried sweat on your back that needs to get washed off, and you want to defuse as much tension as possible. Whatever kind of beverage is going to help you do that is the beverage you should be drinking.
Sharing Is Caring
Like all good things in life, shower beers are better when shared. Find yourself a buddy, whether it be a significant other, a platonic friend, or a friend with benefits, and invite them to enjoy your shower beer with you.
If you don’t have any willing human companions in your life, give your dog that much-needed bath while you sip on a cold one. You shouldn’t give your dog alcohol, but that doesn’t mean they can’t live vicariously through you.
Perhaps all your friends are too busy having shower beers in their own homes to join you. No problem! Call your friends up on FaceTime or Zoom and have a chat from your respective showers. The more the merrier!
Shower Beers Are Effective
Regardless of the nuances of how you choose to enjoy your shower beer, the idea is pretty much the same for everyone. You’re killing two birds with one stone. You’re getting yourself all fresh and clean while also pouring some delicious beer down your gullet, and that’s just efficiency at its finest.
Beyond the obvious pragmatic benefits of shower beers, drinking beer in the shower is also believed to boost your mood. After a nice shower beer session, you’re going to walk out of the bathroom feeling refreshed, relaxed, and a little bit buzzed.
Whether you’re planning to go to a movie, hang out with friends, or just head straight to the fridge for round two, a shower beer will set you up for a great rest of your day.
