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Thousands of people look for reasons to live everyday.
I had the opportunity to meet some of them during my time as an intern at a psychological clinic. Being a psychology major, now a psychometrician, I was required to spend 300 hours sorting papers, administering a battery of tests to dozens of clients a day, and sometimes, when things at the clinic were slow, I had the chance to sit down with clients and actually talk to them.
The difference between a psychological report and talking to clients is this: the impersonal becomes personal. Behind all those hard numbers and concise notes is a person, often not unlike you, asking you for a reason to live.
What advice can a 19-year-old student give a 22-year-old client?
After our 30-minute discussion, I never saw him set foot in that clinic again. But wherever he is and wherever you are, these are the reasons I’ve gathered in the past few years.
Be warned that this list won’t have any of the usual reasons you see in these types of listicles. When you’re deep in your depression and you feel that nothing has gone well for you in years, the promise of a big purpose can feel unattainable and even soul-crushing.
Instead, every reason to live here is achievable, selected to feel just a day away from you. Because when you can’t see a reason to keep going indefinitely, small things can be a reason to live even for just one more day.
A Delicious Breakfast
When you wake up tomorrow morning looking for a reason to live, you will find it in your kitchen. Open the fridge and take out a carton of eggs, that one avocado you carefully chose at the grocery, and milk. Make yourself a nice breakfast.
Not only do you need to eat, but a study on South Korean adults found that not eating breakfast is associated with depressive moods.
It doesn’t have to look or taste like it was made by a chef, what matters is that you made it for yourself. You don’t have to do the dishes when you’re done. It can be overwhelming to see a sink full of dirty plates, but that’s something you can do tomorrow. When you are healthier and happier, you’ll be able to wash those dishes.
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Listening to Music
After a delicious breakfast, go ahead and connect your phone to a Bluetooth speaker. Find your most upbeat or relaxing playlist on Spotify and hit play. Take the time to savor every note, every beat. If you get really into it, sing along and dance if you like, and don’t be surprised if you find yourself with a little more serotonin than what you started with.
Several studies have shown that music is an effective therapeutic tool that is able to produce significant reductions in depressive moods. That’s why a good tune can alter your emotional states, thereby improving your mood. As for what music works best, a study on the effects of music therapy on neuro patients found that classical and meditation music were the way to go. On the other hand, techno and metal could worsen depressive moods. Sorry, metal and techno fans.
The Pleasure of a Job Well Done
You don’t have to make your first million to have a reason to live. It’s reason enough to be able to enjoy the simple satisfaction of a job well done. Whether that means working in an office, wiping dust off a shelf, or gathering the strength to take a bath, being able to stick to a task from start to finish is enough to enjoy it for its own sake.
If you’re feeling up to it, maybe you can go outside and try gardening.
A study published in the Preventative Medicine Reports journal showed that gardening provides a plethora of health benefits. Its positive effects included lower depression, anxiety, and weight. In place of these, gardening provided extra reasons to live for those with suicidal thoughts by improving life satisfaction, quality of life, and sense of community.
You don’t need a massive yard, even a small pot will do. If you’re worried about having a black thumb, pothos, a.k.a. “Devil’s ivy,” is a low-maintenance plant that’s difficult to kill. It’s a persistent little plant with a serious love for life; it’s able to stay alive even in dimly lit rooms. Trust me on this (read: the pothos next to me while I write this is still thriving despite spending 2 weeks indoors).
You Get to Go Home
Your home is your castle. The comfort of knowing that after a long day, you can go home to a curated personal space can itself be a reason to live. Whether you own or rent a house or an apartment, having a space where you can unwind after a busy day gives you the time you need to emotionally process the events that happened earlier in your day.
Access to a small escape from other people can give you a much-needed emotional breather. Australia-based psychotherapist Dan Auerbach had this to say about personal space: “We ‘catch’ the moods and emotions of those around us…if we can’t get away to prevent that from happening…we can also find our own stress and anxiety levels rising.”
Again, if you’re too distressed to clean, then you don’t have to. But consider picking your laundry off the floor or vacuuming your living room. Researchers Darby E. Saxbe and Rena Repetti found that a cluttered home can worsen your mood and put you at risk of depressive emotional states.
Catching Up With People
When was the last time you dedicated a part of your day to maintaining a relationship with another person? Natural changes in life like graduation, changing jobs, moving to a different city, etc. can cause you and your family and friends to drift away from each other. If there’s anyone you would like to get in touch with, try reaching out and scheduling a coffee date or a Zoom call so you can catch up.
Who knows? Maybe the other person is looking for a reason to live too. Plus, a study from the American Journal of Psychiatry found that social connection is the strongest protective factor against depression. No man is an island. As social creatures (yes, even the introverts), we need to interact with others to maintain our health.
At the end of the day, all these reasons to live are just a way to help you put one foot forward, fight for life one step at a time. But just like a psych report and a client, an article is nothing like a loved one.
Unlike a flesh and blood person, this article can’t give you a shoulder to cry on. That kind of attentive, personalized emotional comfort can only be achieved by someone who understands your plight and is ready to listen.
I hope you have that.
For tips on how to boost your mental health in general, check out 5 Painless Daily Habits That Can Improve Your Mental Health.
If you need to talk to someone who can give you a few more reasons to live, you can contact these numbers.
You know what I’m done everyone thinks that if you just keep going everything will be fine BUT NO, you want to know what life is, life is where you are born and then you die and then they use social constructs to make life seem happy but in reality it’s just that, your born you live a miserable life, then you are killed by the same world that brought you in it. And no one will remember you they’ll be sad for maybe a week and then never care again. No one even mentions my great grandparents or my late friends in our friend groups. All they care about is themselves, so if everyone is going to say to live for other people then I’ll see all of those people in hell where we all belong.